exasperated

I wanted to share this because it blew my mind...Some things here I have resigned to not understanding and not even trying but this really pushed my buttons BAD. Through my dance project I've become close with this dancer named Chandana who has been roped into scootering me to hell and back to get costume pieces, see shows, etc. etc. She is SO sweet and it has been great to have someone MY AGE with my same interests who I feel completely comfortable with...I've understood a lot more about Indian culture through her probably than all my two months of classroom lessons combined. Anyway Chandana has been dancing with Kripa for 14 years and is now teaching dance at the school alongside K. She just had her first public solo performance which is a HUGE deal here, a 3 hour affair where all these respected artists of the community come to watch and appreciate/evaluate your skill at dancing and expression. I got to watch some of Chandana's tape and it was BEAUTIFUL. Basically dance is this girl's life. Because of her "ripe" age, though, her parents have decided it is time for her to get married. She has been arranged in a match with an older man who lives outside of Mysore, and their wedding date is set for February 4th. That part I can handle--most of the married people you meet here were arranged marriages and not "love matches" and they all swear up and down by how much better it is. Honestly I am almost convinced...Because the marriage wasn't for love, it is based instead on just working together to make life work and often love grows from working together that way. The matches are based on a number of things including astrological compatibility, caste (eek), education, religion, economic standing, and the compatibility of the two families (this part is extremely important since most often the bride will have to live not just with the groom but with his entire family.)
What DOES kill me is not only will Chandana have to leave Mysore and live in some strange new place, SHE WILL NO LONGER BE ALLOWED TO DANCE. Apparently men forbid their wives to dance because “after marriage a woman should be for her husband’s eyes only,” and the prospect of her doing anything in front of a crowd—and god forbid DANCING, is totally unacceptable. There is this stigma attached to dancing from way back, a lingering idea that somehow if one is a dancer it means she is also a prostitute. This couldn't be farther from the truth, especially in Bharatanatyam which is based in ritual and tradition and there are extensive pains taken to AVOID any movements that are in any way sexual! The hips NEVER move and just the other day Kripa was showing me a new step and warned me against doing it with too much gusto because if you do it makes your chest shimmy the tiniest bit. The girls clip, pin, and tie the hell out of their costumes to make sure that no movement they do could possibly expose cleavage or belly.
Kripa had to turn down a number of marriage proposals to doctors and engineers and other esteemed men because if she married them she wouldn’t be allowed to dance. LUCKILY for her, her family was willing to look for someone else (her marriage was also arranged) and ultimately found her a man who works for the postal service and fully supports what she does (I love him.) Chandana’s parents are not so flexible. So she is dancing with the weight of the world on her shoulders, knowing that in less than three months she will have to leave EVERYTHING she knows—her family, her friends, Kripa, and her passion for dance and settle with just being a wife. She tries to act optimistic but I have seen her eyes fill up with tears numerous times when her marriage is brought up and once she told me she goes home and cries about it daily. In a last ditch effort, Kripa is arranging a January performance and forcing her fiancé and his family to attend. She said that that maybe if they see what Bharatanatyam really is they would be willing to allow her to continue. Chandana isn’t getting her hopes up. Sometimes I hateeee the worrrldddddd.

Anyway I know this post is long but I just need to add a little story of my own while i'm on the subject of hating the world. Today a friend and I decided to take a walk around the lake nearby...its a short walk but beautiful you're just suddenly in full nature with all these egret-y birds flying around and blooming bushes full of flowers spilling over onto the little dirt path. Long story short we ended up getting followed by this CREEP who eventually whipped his penis out of his pants at us and we had no idea what to do...just standing there in the semi wilderness like ten feet away from this guy with everything hanging out trying sooo hard not to look and also figure out how the hell to get away because no one could see us and he was blocking our only escape. After I yelled something about waiting for this fucking asshole to leave he went away but not without stopping every ten feet to look back at us and touch the crotch in his pants. When we got out to the street he looked to be going the opposite way and then when he saw where we were going started following us and I thanked God that we had somewhere else to go than home--we walked to town and lost him there but UGHHHHHHH it got me SO riled up if he had gotten any closer I think I would seriously have kicked him in the balls and or punched his face as hard as I possibly could. I just HATE the male female dynamic here, men are SO sure that you won't do anything and walk around with this swagger of complete power and control expecting you to defer to them and not do anything even if they are wagging their penis in your face! And most often, women don't!! The culture doesn't support them to fight back and in our case it would have just made the situation worse to approach him it seemed the best thing to just try and quietly get away. This girl and I-both rugby players-were about twice his size and could clearly have beaten him within an inch of his life but it didn't matter. He was a man we were women, and that was all he saw and all that mattered. I HATE that. I'll just say that this experience didn't do anything to help/assuage my tendency toward isolationist feminism haHA. I could go on but at this point this entry is a short novel. Love to everyone.